Steps to Being More Vulnerable
Your vulnerability is showing.
Vulnerability has a lot of stigma surrounding it. We feel fearful or scared whenever we need to be open or honest about our feeling. A lot of the time there's a hesitation that always keeps us from saying the very realness we're feeling.
My Struggle with Vulnerability
When I was younger, I wouldn't cry in movies. I would fight back tears because I was afraid of what others would think. The fear of being ridiculed was the main motive for not being expressive. How many moments did I miss, did I force myself to hide from, because I was told not to embrace my true emotions.
There's so much pressure to be a strong, tough man. The idolization of characters for their toughness, or manliness, has given men the impression that they shouldn't be emotional. "It's weak to show your emotions". Those guys in the movies are so "badass", they don't cry or get frustrated, they just roll with the punches.
Actually, when do they cry? Only in traumatic situations or in hiding. Why do I have to hide to show emotion? Why can't I show my significant other that I am fully human and I feel things or am sensitive to things?
You can and you should! It wasn't until I met my fiancee that I would feel confident in fully expressing myself. She would point out to me regularly how monotone or indifferent I appeared, when I should be excited or loud! The first time I cried to a significant other I was 24 years old. The first time. Every time before that I would hide: in my room, my car, the shower.
After crying to her, I started to feel the wall come down. The feeling that it's safe to express yourself in front of someone is the most relieving feeling. The weight of societal pressures shedding off of you. She saw the flame and didn't try to extinguish it. Instead she used her passion to fuel mine.
That's how our bond grew so strong, we were able to be open and vulnerable with each other, tell each other secrets we hadn't told anyone else and be ourselves. Now I feel I can tell her anything, and I'm more confident in my reactions and emotions because she will support me and share the same sentiments.
A Simplified Road Map
This flash-sheet-turned-road-map embodies my perception of basic steps to take to embrace your vulnerability. Broken down they are:
Introspection - look not only at yourself, but inside. What are you hiding? Why are you hiding it?
Embracing Emotion - allow yourself to feel the feelings. Let yourself express them, become comfortable with them.
Take Down Walls - each time you allow yourself to be open, another brick comes down, revealing an exposed fire inside.
Strengthened Bonds - showing others your fire helps you find those who share the same passion. You light a beacon with the same flame.
Opened - now you have the building blocks and the bonds to be comfortable in your vulnerability.
This is very personal. I've struggled with vulnerability, whether it's from societal pressures of "being a man" or fear of rejection. By being more open and allowing myself to feel emotion, I'm stronger. Instead of hiding it, wear it like armor, wave it like a flag so you can find those you mesh with.
Grow in your vulnerability.
What are ways you’ve grown to embracing your vulnerability?
I’d like to her your thoughts, either comment below or shoot me an email.